I’ve been so full of hate and resentment my whole life that training my brain to not revert to these emotions/feelings/actions feels impossible. I know it isn’t. I know I need therapy. The meetings help because I can get a lot out there. I know it’s not enough by a long shot. There’s a lot of work with doctors that has to happen. I want to know what it is inside that twists me up and sends every emotion out sideways. I want to love. I thought I could but as established, my thinking is fucked.