It would have been so easy to just sit. Sit and not wash again. Do nothing but read other people’s blogs and sink deeper into depression. I’m not doing that though. I’m up, washed and I’ve eaten. These are all just such normal things but they can become huge mountains to climb. If I let them. I’m not letting them. Just being outside now makes me feel anxious and scared. They are just feelings and I can sit with them. Uncomfortably for a while but it will pass. Doing the little things I find difficult will make the bigger things easier. I have been given a chance by my employers. I will not let them down. They are making exceptions for me and my problems so I must do my best to honour them. Otherwise I’ve learnt nothing from my past mistakes. There’s two rules I have to live by.
1. Don’t pick up
2. Do the next right thing.
These sound so easy. They should be easy. Not picking up is imperative as once I do everything else goes out of the window. Doing the next right thing is difficult. How to identify what the next right thing is? I guess doing my best to help and be nice. Today it’s making sure I show up to speak to my employer. Then getting a present for my mum’s birthday. She deserves to feel special on her birthday.
I threw my pipe away, again. Another one bites the dust. That comes under both categories.