God of my own understanding/Higher Power

A big part of what I have to do is to hand my life over to a god or higher power of my own understanding. I’ve fought and struggled against this, resisted it and even downright dismissed it. Because I don’t understand it. How can I have an entity or power of my own understanding if I cannot comprehend one? Maybe I don’t have to understand it. Maybe I do just need to trust it. Which leads us back to the murky waters of trust. How do I trust in something I don’t understand? If I cannot trust the things I do? Maybe I don’t really understand anything. Maybe I don’t have to. So can I trust in it then? If it doesn’t matter if I don’t understand it? Do you understand?