The mind of an addict is a tricky one. It tricks you into thinking you’re doing alright. It tricks you I to thinking you’re not as bad as other addicts. I let mine trick me. I let mine tell me I didn’t need fellowship. Slipping further and further away from the ones I love andContinue reading “Slipped”
Sleeping is one of the things I have taken for granted over the years of addiction and hospitality work. I would think nothing of staying awake for days on end. Or working from 7 am untill 2am the next day and doing it all again, every day, for weeks. I have slept so much overContinue reading “Sleep”
A big part of what I have to do is to hand my life over to a god or higher power of my own understanding. I’ve fought and struggled against this, resisted it and even downright dismissed it. Because I don’t understand it. How can I have an entity or power of my own understandingContinue reading “God of my own understanding/Higher Power”
Apart from going out on Saturday morning for my first dose of the vaccine, all that I’ve done this weekend is sleep and eat. I’ve spent a little time reading the basic text. Not close to as much as I intended too. My body and brain feel wiped out. I will be going out toContinue reading “Doing the little things which make the big things possible.”
My mother is 71 years old today. I’m happy for her. She looks great in her new black skinny jeans and boots. She is about to be whisked away to a party where there will be drink and drugs galore. I’m grateful that I’m not going to be there. I’ve said happy birthday and givenContinue reading “71”
I’ve not blogged about this yet. I’m only just beginning to process and feel it. An old friend of mine. A dear friend. Someone who went through some tough times in life with me. Who was homeless with me. Who helped me and always made me smile no matter how bad things were. Well, heContinue reading “Grief/Higher power moments”
This fellowship of addicts is the only thing that will keep me truly clean. I could probably get clean of drugs. But I doubt I would be living clean. I would still be acting out and using behaviours that lead me back to the inevitable relapse. I have been skirting around the edges and notContinue reading “Fellowship”
It would have been so easy to just sit. Sit and not wash again. Do nothing but read other people’s blogs and sink deeper into depression. I’m not doing that though. I’m up, washed and I’ve eaten. These are all just such normal things but they can become huge mountains to climb. If I letContinue reading “Easy/difficult”
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